• life

(en) i miss you

I miss you.

I’ve been home all week but I didn’t get to see you once.

Didn’t get to ruffle your hair like I sometimes do when I’m bored.

Didn’t get to hear the voice of you singing your songs from upstairs.

I failed you.

I didn’t keep you at home.

I didn’t lend you my legs.

I didn’t give you my time.

You struggled so hard.

Despite of all the pain you were in.

You were more alive than any of us.

Now time has stopped for you.

But you’ll always live on inside of me.

And I’ll find a way to live on without you.

That day was devastating. I didn’t know I was even capable of feeling that much sadness. But after crying so much this past week, now I’m able to think of you without running water down my cheeks (though I still get teary-eyed). I guess time eventually heals all wounds. But if I had control of time itself, no doubt I will turn it back and return to the days when you were here. Then I’ll get to do something different. Do all the things I didn’t. Give you all the things you didn’t have.

I’m sorry for being the worst brother in the history of brothers ever.